Monday, October 13, 2008

High School Psychopaths

For those involved (and there were many), this piece of paper should bring a smile to your face, although at the time, it was pretty upsetting. At first I wasn't going to write out the whole thing, but I think the story needs to be told in full.

It was the end of our Junior year at LHS and many of the names listed on that piece of paper worked for the newspaper there, Liberty Life. The newspaper had a meeting room that was the size of a quarter of a classroom, where staff could go and work on articles, etc. during their study hall periods. Being the sports editor, I was in there with a cast of characters, many of whom worked for the paper, but a lot that just came to hang out, which was fine by us. The incident started out with our editor in chief (a classmate of ours who will remain nameless), telling us we were not allowed to have water in the office. It was the age of the mini-super-soaker key chains and of course everyone had them and would spray each other every chance they got.

Being that said editor in chief was usually a total dick, myself and Matt Eby wanted to do the exact opposite of whatever he said. It could not be handled lightly however. For the next week we hatched a plan that we thought (at the time) would be fool proof and the perfect "fuck you" to our beloved editor. The players were recruited and everything was set. I remember Eby and I driving around on the golf cart at the Sand Island Tennis Courts the night before, discussing whether we were really going through with it.

The plan was to bring in as much possible water as we could. Full size super soakers hidden in the ceiling, water balloons and I think Kip Reybitz even brought in a full jug of water just for fun. This contraband was hidden all around the room to ensure that no one would be on to the plans for our assault. There were at least ten kids recruited for the job, many of whom had nothing to do with the newspaper, but would prove helpful to our plan. What was that plan? Basically to soak the shit out our editor in chief when he came in for his seventh period study hall. What if he runs out of the room you ask? That's why someone (it wasn't me) recruited the runningback of our football team to hold the door shut to ensure he couldn't escape. All ten students were hidden around the room and in cabinets so nothing seemed off. The only clue that something was going on was that we had put tarps over the computer to ensure that they were not damaged (Can you say premeditation?). Of course, the planning was way over done, with some kids having multiple balloons and soakers for just one kid. Ridiculous.

Everything was in place and our friends were strategically hidden around the room. We nervously awaited E.I.C's arrival to the Liberty Life room as our hearts were tearing out of our chests. By this point, things were totally over the top and we knew there was no way we could get away with it, but so many people knew about what was going to happen, there was no way we could back down. Finally, the door slowly opened and the E.IC. took two steps in the door. I remember clearly he extended his hand and stammered, "G-g-g-g-guys, there better not be any water in here!"

Barely able to contain ourselves, we waited for Roberto Somavilla to ask Craig if he had seen "Mission Impossible", which was the code word for our assault to begin. Roberto barely got the question out and it was on. The next few moments were a blur. I remember water flying every direction and then things taking an unexpected turn. E.I.C. decided to fight back and began swinging his bookbag around violently toward the mob. I remember his bookbag being opened and his papers flying around the room amidst the massive amounts of H2o in the air. It was pure chaos. Finally, once the barrage had finally ceased things became eerily quiet as no one had really planned out what was the next step after the soaking. We all just stood there blankly as E.I.C. started to storm out only to have Kip run up to his dripping wet frame and try to squeeze part of his gallon jug of water on him as he left the room. That was probably my favorite moment because it summed Kip up so well, always over the top. Hilarious.

And then we were left standing there, having put so much water all over the room, the floor and ourselves. Phil, our buddy who we got to distract our adviser, Mr. Hudak, couldn't hold Mr. H off anymore and he came storming in the room. I think all he could muster was, "WHAT THE HELL...." and that was it. We all scattered and headed to our last period class. During Calculus, the reports were already coming in: E.I.C. was seen sitting in the office across the hall dripping wet...he's calling the cops...criminal charges...suspension....parents, etc. It was a mess.

The water war had gone down on the Friday before exams which was perfect in our eyes: the last day of classes. Things had transpired way too quickly for any action to be taken before the end of the day. However, what we didn't anticipate was having to wait the entire weekend for what the repercussions of our actions would be. It was without a doubt one of the worst weekends ever. All I did was sit around and speculate what was going to happen to us. I couldn't eat and my speculation of what was going to happen to us was way worse than any actual punishment. When my first exam rolled around, I was more nervous about what was going to happen to me than with taking the exam.

I rolled into my American Literature exam and nervously chatted with a few of my fellow water warriors about if they had heard anything. No word. I sat and slowly got my mind into the exam and forgot about whether I was going to get in trouble or not. I relaxed and tried to remember what I could about Bartleby the Scrivener. After the exam I was feeling much better.
Heading to my chemistry exam, I was confident that nothing was to come of our actions.

Little did I realize as I was sweating out my Chemistry exam that Vice Principal Seaman (real name) had entered the room and began handing out pieces of paper to people. Finally, he handed me the above paper and I realized that we were not out of the woods by any stretch. We ended up facing the music with our Principal, the E.I.C. and all the parties involved but emerged without getting in too much trouble. We weren't suspended from exams and basically resolved everything at the meeting. What I love about that little piece of paper is, those names are just the people that were in that Chemistry exam. VP Seaman had multiple notes with multiple names listed on them for all of the people that were involved and many that were not. I guess he was operating off of the E.I.C.'s memory of the incident.

While this should be the part where I reflect on the incident and put it into perspective, it's not going to happen. High School shouldn't be taken seriously.


Ed said...


Kip said...

After reading this fine piece of material, I can only feel great joy. I had forgotten (I don't know how) about this masterful plan and execution. Clay has brought back to my memories the third most mischevious act of my time. I will write about the first and second when I am ready to take IRA contributions without penalty; the police tend to sympathize with the elderly. God bless you Clay Smith. --Kipper